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the voices started after the passing of my mom and they only gotten worse when my dad passed away it really sucks cause they give damn headaches I never talk about it with my family cause they would only think I'm going crazy out of my mind cause of it
I never thought for a second this would happen to me like It did all I want to do is end it all where I would never hear the damn voices anymore it drives me nuts sometimes cause of the stuff they say to me or want me to do I want to just give up on everything end it all.
not talking about killing myself or anything like that cause I don't believe in that shit I was raised by a good mother who always told me not to ever try killing myself and I made a promise to her back when I was younger that I would never attempt to kill myself ever and I attend to keep that promise to her.

I sat by your bedside holding your hand
with tears rolling down my cheeks
as I said my last goodbye I never
thought for a moment that this
would be a bad day for me
I run my hand over your
face and whispers
I love you mom keep
a place at the dinner table
for me cause when my
chores on earth are
done I will be there
with you.
I promise you we will be together again
goodbye my sweet loving mom
you were the best mother a girl
could ever have.

written by
DeadlyDreams

look me into the eyes and tell me you love me
you see the darkness in them?
please don't be scared it wont hurt you
but you will become my play toy
in due time.
hold onto your soul
never let it go but
the darkness will consume
you.

written by
DeadlyDreams

well there has been times I just want to give up
and just forget about my Disorder's that I have
it makes it very hard for me to live my life the
way I want to.
but I know I can't cause there has been to much
shit going on in my head it drives me crazy cause
I hear voices and see black shadow's following
me around when I go outside at night and when
cars and people pass me by I jump and softly
scream. just about everything scares me to
the point where my heart pounds out of
my chest it makes me not want to go outside
anymore cause I go through panic attacks
when I have to leave the house.
why can't I have a normal life?

well It looks like I'm on here alone hmm
what to do can't believe I'm still awake
maybe after I have my coffee and run to
the store for pop and smokes I'll
head to bed.

close your eyes my dear
and think of nice things
never allow bad things
in your head just
close your eyes
please

Today just started for me I need to do some stuff around the apt before I get to into being online cause it's normally an all day thing for me which really makes my aunt upset cause I never even spend anytime with her these days all I want to do is be alone by myself just to think and get shit out of my head cause if I don't it will drive me fucking crazy.

I didn't want to mess things up between my friends but it's becoming really hard not to cause all they do is fight and I'm getting really tired of it and I'm about to do something about it so they could stop all this and start working together and fight the evil that is heading our way I need to keep all the humans from being harmed in anyway shape or form but if my damn friends wont stop all this fighting it will not work out anymore and I will have to fight this alone which wont be good for me or the humans.
I started to read the files that was send to me informing me of how the evil will come along what I don't know is that my parents are part of the evil my mom is the queen and my dad is the king of the underworld that makes me the princess ugh this really can't be happening to me right now cause this means I will have to fight my parents to keep everyone safe from their evil ways this is one thing I did not know about my family cause they kept all this from me just to keep me safe for now.

I never thought for a second I would have to live in this damn hell things have been really rough for me the past few years in 2014 I was told that I had bipolar and PTSD there might be more and the only reason I know this is because I see a lot of things and also hear voices that sounds like my aunt and mom they either call my name or just say things that really bother the damn hell out of me.
I just wish it would all stop I try to tell my family about what is happing to me they just ignore me and just go on with what they were doing or even talking about on the phone I always have to deal with everything on my own
there are times I just want to give up and run away so I wont be a bother to anyone anymore I feel that I'm alone and just have no one to talk to about any of this without being told that I'm sounding crazy by my family it makes want to cry and just crawl into a corner and just rock back and forth and just fucking cry ugh.

can I just say fuck this I'm done and over it!
I have no one that understand what I have to deal with all the time
with the damn shadows the voices that never ends
what the hell is happening to me? why am I hearing voices?
sighs just wish i had someone to talk to that can just listen to me
and who understand everything that's going on with me
but I dont have a damn soul that really would be willing to talk to me about things

COMMENTS

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IvysxLair
09:33 Jul 17 2020

My granddaughter has the same conditions hun she is 12 now, I tell here not to listen to the voices they are tormenters not helpers. You have the power to change your life dont let other run it.

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DeadlyDreams
10:09 Jul 17 2020

its hard not to listen to them sometimes when they wont shut up and leave me alone
it drives me insane cause they make their selfs sound like my mom who is gone from this world and my aunt who i live with

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I wanted to scream Till I just can't anymore it is how I been feeling the past few days it feels like I just want to give up and dig a big hole and just crawl into it and just hide there invading any Drama that gets thrown at me by my family they seem to like to start stuff with me about stupid shit I try to ignore them but when I do they get really mad at me telling me to listen to them cause they know best.
well they Don't know anything about me yeah their my family and they should know stuff about me and even understand what I'm going through but they just Don't so I just lock myself in my room and just do what I do best play on my laptop or playstation4 but lately I been playing Second life and rating on here and also talking on skype with my friends it is what keeps me from going insane which happens a lot the past few days.
my life has been filled with nothing my darkness and things that I sometimes see or even hear
like one time I was sitting here rating on database and talking on skype when I heard a voice in my ear saying my name it sounded like my mom which also sounds like my aunt Judy cause they are twins so I went out to the living room to see if she called my name and she Didn't so I went back into my room and just tried to forget about it but it kept going through my head to why I keep hearing a voice in my ear that sounds like my mom and aunt Judy.
like tonight I was laying in bed half asleep when I heard that same voice but this time it said..fine then i will put poop on my face all because you're ignoring me that is when I snapped out of it and shacked my head a little still trying to forget about the damn voice ugh am I going fucking nuts or what is that the reason I keep hearing that same fucking voice over and over again non stop?
what can I do just to make it stop so I can go on with my crazy life?

you're truely
crazy Heather lol

COMMENTS

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Neowise2020
10:11 Jul 20 2020

Not here much in totality and I don't like advertising what I do and usually just respond thru private messaging. Like posting on another's journal I think many do to be seen for ill motives. Well that's what I feel empathically. But with good motives showing others can be like leading by example. I love my family that raised me but also know they are most responsible for things turning out the way they have for good or ill in the forge of youth. My life really sucked by society's standards but I've learned to take the good with the bad. That's best advice I can give for now.

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DeadlyDreams
21:11 Jul 20 2020

thank you it helped me a lot

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I had a good day today even though my damn aunt was a little drunk and passed out on the couch which is a good thing cause she hardly sleeps these days so she thinks drinking will help her sleep a little.
well I think other wise I Don't like drinking of heavy vodka it reminds me of my mom and how she Drink a lot when she was alive so now I hate it even the smell makes me sick yeah I admit I sometimes like to have a glass or two of flavored wine it helps relax me yeah I Don't Drink much but when I do its only wine lately like I said drinking just Don't do anything for me anymore just Don't like the hangover effect that happens the next day.

My mom was the most greatest woman in the world well else to me she was
she never allowed any men into her life I always came first before she even
started dating she always made sure I was alright and I love her for that
she even was there for me when I was raped when she found out she was really
upset that day I went to court which lasted close to a year which really sucked
after that I became really scared to allow anyone close to me or even in my
life.
there is only one person that wiggled her way into my life and has been there ever since
we became really close and her name is Lana she's my bestfriend and my sister yeah we are
not blood but we're still sister's no matter what we did a lot of stuff together growing up
got into a lot of trouble also we had good times together that is the best memory ever
and I hope we make even more memory's together

love you sis

just sitting here listening to music and rating on vr
trying to get my mind to calm down a little before i hit the bed and call it a night
and just hope i can fall asleep
i find it really hard to fall asleep sometimes cause my mind just wont shut down for the night and it sucks big time

COMMENTS

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SedeDeSangue
06:10 Jul 11 2020

Sweet dreams. I hope you fall asleep quickly.

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DeadlyDreams
18:40 Jul 11 2020

yeah i really fell fast asleep it was good to sleep at last lol

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there is something covering my soul in darkness
i cant seem to clear my head at the moment and just dont known what to do about it anymore i cant handle it right now so i got onto second life to role play a little before i head off to dreamland just hoping i dont have bad dreams today.

COMMENTS

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IvyAiyanna
08:26 Jul 10 2020

We all go through this hun, just remember there is light even in the darkness even the darkness is beautiful as you.

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DeadlyDreams
21:58 Jul 10 2020

aww thank you

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she was sitting at her desk playing on her phone her mind was set on the game she was playing well the teacher was talking about the subject of history which was'nt her most favorite thing ever.
the teacher noticed her and started towards her desk the look upon the teacher's face was so scarry that she hide her phone in her pocket that way it would;nt be taken away from her she smiled up at the teacher but she ignored the smile and held out her hands and spoken loudly...please hand me your phone and you will get it back after class is over..she just could not believe this was going to happen to her as she hands her phone to the teacher and sighed loudly..this is so unfair.